How to Choose between Eloping or Having a Wedding

Prior to about a decade ago, it was common to think elopements were just a couple spontaneously marrying in secret. But in the new age they’ve morphed into something totally different than that. Today’s elopements are generally well thought-out, just like a wedding, but are a more intimate and unique experience catering to the couple and their greatest values vs catering to guests and entertainment. Couples all over the world are seeing the value in eloping, and more and more are ditching the big weddings for a more intimate and personal experience.

So this leads to the big question: How do you choose between eloping or having a wedding?

TABLE OF CONTENTS

• What Defines an Elopement
• What Defines an Intimate Wedding
• What Defines a Traditional Wedding
• Deciding What Experience Fits Your Needs
• How to Navigate Telling Family You’re Eloping
• How to Include Loved Ones on Elopement Day When They Aren’t Physically There

Elopements vs Weddings

Elopements are a wedding experience intentionally and intimately crafted for couples. It’s a way for you to create a day that is fully about YOU. Weddings often turn into events that are more or less about entertaining guests. The day can be stressful to plan and it flies by so fast that you forget to eat or even spend time with your new spouse. Often, your time at the altar is the most time you get together all day, and it’s in front of a whole crowd of people. Eloping allows you to create a day that gives you intimate time together without worrying about if you said hi to your dozens of guests yet or where the heck Bridesmaid #3 went when it’s time to start the ceremony.

There are both benefits and cons to eloping or having a wedding, and ultimately it comes down to preference and what values you have for creating your dream day.

What Defines an Elopement?

An elopement is not going to have your traditional wedding day structure, and will consist of little to no guests. An elopement prioritizes the experience you and your partner have together and does not put focus on hosting guests. This can look like a very different experience from one couple to another. For some it may be a low-key trip to the local courthouse. For others it may be a multi-day adventure overseas in a new place full of excursions to do.

Guest Count – The amount of people invited to an elopement (if anyone is even invited) will be around 10 max. Anymore than that and you begin to teeter on the lines of what I call an ‘intimate wedding’. Keeping the guest count at 10 or below allows you to ensure your experience will be an intimate and relatively stress-free one where you don’t have many people to cater to. Some couples choose to do elopement day as just the two of them for an extra private and romantic experience. Some might just have their fur-babies with them. Choosing to invite guests and who to invite is a choice entirely up to you. It depends on the type of experience you want for your special day, and how much value you hold in loved ones witnessing this day in person vs through photo/video later.

Lack of a Reception – Another thing you don’t see at elopements is receptions. Post-ceremony is generally going to consist of portraits and experiences for you and your partner to do (which may or may not include your guests, too). These experiences could be something like kayaking down the river you just eloped on, taking a hot air balloon ride, or hiking to a stunning waterfall. There may sometimes be dinner, cake, and a dance involved, but it’s in a very laid back setting just hanging out at the Airbnb/Vrbo with your few guests, or just the two of you by yourselves for a private evening.

Timeline Flexibility & Excursions – Elopements are incredibly flexible to build into any kind of experience, and it’s entirely based on your wants and values. If you want epic and fun, you might want to plan a glacier helicopter tour in Alaska. If you want a more calm experience, maybe you’re looking at your local state or national park for scenic views that require little to no hiking. The options are limitless, and with elopements, you’re not bound to needing a venue, a strict schedule, or the needs of guests. It can sound overwhelming to think “well what the heck SHOULD we do if there’s so many options?”, but that’s where your professional guide/photographer can come in and help bounce ideas around to give you a start on planning something that piques your interests!

The Cost – The cost of an elopement can greatly fluctuate depending on the experience you create. If you were to do something short and simple close to home, you can expect your budget to be on the lower end vs planning a destination elopement a plane ride away with an excursion or two booked to do during your elopement. While elopements can be as expensive as weddings depending on the experience you make of it, they’re curated towards you and will provide a phenomenal experience you’ll never forget, and these can often be multi-day experiences that you’re getting out of that cost. You’re able to turn a getaway at your elopement destination into a whole honeymoon full of excursions, which definitely can justify the cost you invest into eloping.

What Defines an Intimate Wedding?

Intimate weddings are the option right in the middle if you don’t quite want an elopement, but don’t want a traditional wedding either. They will be more so structured like an traditional wedding day, but with a significantly smaller guest count in order to keep things more personalized and calm. Because of this, intimate weddings are best suited for those who prioritize spending time with family but want it to be more small-scale so that there is more privacy and less stress. Intimate weddings can be something you plan local to you, or it can be an adventure anywhere else in the world for you and your closest people to experience together.

Guest Count – I consider an intimate wedding to be anywhere from 10-30 guests. Any more than that and you’re entering traditional wedding grounds, because the day begins needing a lot more meticulous planning and requires more specific accommodations.

Reception – There is a reception involved with intimate weddings, though sometimes it may look more like just grabbing dinner with everyone at a private event room at a local restaurant, and maybe cutting a cake and doing toasts. Other times it may be a more traditional style reception that includes things like the first dance, dance with parents, toasts, cake cut, etc. at a small event venue. It may not be that full-fledged party like a traditional wedding reception, but it will still have structure to it. Sometimes I like to refer to these as a ‘cake and punch’ style event.

Timeline Flexibility & Excursions – Your timeline and option of doing excursions does become more limited when planning an intimate wedding, since you have a handful of guests to host. This may restrict you to certain venue options, timeline schedules, and inhibit you from running off to have any unique experiences that just you and your partner can enjoy together, like you’d see done in an elopement.

The Cost – Intimate weddings can also fluctuate in cost quite a bit depending on the type of experience you have. For instance, if you marry in a local park that cost around $150 to reserve, you’ll spend a significantly less amount than if you were to have an out-of-state/overseas experience where you are paying for travel, accommodations, etc., which can very well end up costing the same as a traditional wedding, but on the flipside you’re getting a super unique luxury experience with your favorite people.

What Defines a Traditional Wedding?

A traditional wedding is going to consist of a venue, dozens of guests, and a traditional wedding day timeline structure that prioritizes hosting an event for friends and family. These events are best suited for you if your priority is celebrating the day with all your favorite people in the same place at once, and being okay with not getting that adventure or much one-on-one time with your partner.

Guest Count – Traditional weddings consist of 30+ guests. The average guest count in America is ~120, but the number can vary by region and by size of families, culture and traditions, etc.

Reception – There of course is a reception involved in traditional wedding days. This usually includes all the standards like dances, cake cutting, dinner, a DJ, etc., and can be an event that lasts for a few to several hours.

Timeline/Activities – Traditional wedding day timelines and the activities that occur during the day will always look nearly the same (though it can vary by culture). Traditional wedding days are hard to fit in a unique excursion, so you generally just see the usual wedding day stuff occurring.

The Cost – The average cost of a wedding in America is ~30k, which can vary by region, size of families, culture, and the amount of decor/florals you invest in. Cost can also drastically change if you decide to have a destination wedding.

Deciding What Experience Fits Your Needs

The pros and cons of elopements, intimate weddings, and traditional weddings will vary from one couple to another and depends on values + the experience wanted. Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself to determine which is right for you:

• How much do I value having family or friends present to celebrate with me?
• If I have a guest list, how many people are priority to add to it?
• How much do I value getting an intimate and private experience with just my partner?
• How much do I value having a unique excursion like chasing the aurora borealis, a helicopter tour to an epic location, hiking to a waterfall, etc.?
• How much do I value having the freedom to create my day into whatever I want?
• How much do I value getting to travel and experience somewhere new for this? And how will a guest list affect this?
• How much do I value having epic scenery for my experience, and will my guest list inhibit me from finding a location that can accommodate that many people?

How to Navigate Telling Your Family You’re Eloping

Remember that this is about YOU and YOUR wants. Don’t guilt yourself into having an event somebody else wants you to have. So often couples want to have an intimate elopement, and wind up planning a wedding because their family guilted and shamed them into doing it so that “everyone can be included”. Those couples wind up regretting their wedding because it wasn’t the experience they wanted. Weddings are not for every couple, and if there’s even the faintest thought in your mind that you’d rather elope, LISTEN TO IT. Don’t be one of those couples that regrets their day. This is a HUGE investment for you to be making. You only get married and have this experience once. Make it the experience that YOU want. You don’t owe anyone an apology or an alternative option. Your loved ones that aren’t a part of elopement day will be able to hear the stories and see the photos/videos later, and that should be enough to make everyone happy as long as you and your partner are happy with your decision to elope.

How to Include Loved Ones on Elopement Day When They Aren’t Physically There

Your loved ones may be a little sad that they aren’t celebrating the day with you, and you may even be a little sad they aren’t there, but you knew that ultimately you wanted this to be an intimate experience between just you and your spouse-to-be, so here’s ways you can still let loved ones be included without invading your private experience:

• Have them write you personal letters that you and your partner can read together on elopement day.
• Have them record a video of themselves with a personal message that you and your partner watch together on elopement day.
• Facetime them during elopement day.
• Bring a special item that belongs to them with you – this could be an article of clothing, jewelry, blanket, etc.. Just something to remind you of them that they will be happy for you to have on you.
• Bring a photo of them with you that you can carry in a frame or locket.

Additional Resources

If this was enough to convince you that eloping is the right choice for you, reach out and let’s chat about the epic adventure we can create for you guys!

If you’re thinking about eloping local to my home base of Arkansas, check out my How to Elope in Arkansas Guide and Best Places to Elope in Arkansas for additional resources to help you get started with planning your experience.