How to Choose between Eloping or Having a Wedding

Prior to 2016, it was common to think elopements were just a couple spontaneously marrying in secret. But in the new age they’ve morphed into something totally different than that. Today’s elopements are an intimate experience catering to the couple and their greatest values vs catering to guests and entertainment. Couples all over the world are seeing the value in eloping and ditching the big weddings for an intimate experience.

So this leads to the big question: How do you choose between eloping or having a wedding?

TABLE OF CONTENTS

• What Defines an Elopement
• What Defines an Intimate Wedding
• What Defines a Traditional Wedding
• Deciding What Experience Fits Your Needs
• How to Navigate Telling Family You’re Eloping
• How to Include Loved Ones on Elopement Day When They Aren’t Physically There

Elopements vs Weddings

Elopements are a wedding experience intentionally and intimately crafted for couples. It’s a way for you to create a day that is fully about YOU. Weddings often turn into events that are more or less about entertaining guests. Weddings can be stressful to plan and fly by so fast that you forget to eat. Oftentimes, the altar is the most time you get together all day, and it’s in front of a whole crowd of people. Eloping allows you to create a day that gives you intimate time together without worrying about if you said hi to your dozens of guests yet, or where the heck Bridesmaid #3 went when it’s time to start the ceremony.

There’s benefits and cons to both eloping or having a wedding. Ultimately it comes down to preference and what values you have for creating your dream day.

What Defines an Elopement?

An elopement isn’t going to have your traditional wedding day structure, and will consist of little to no guests. It prioritizes the experience you and your partner have together and does not put focus on hosting guests. This can look like a very different experience from one couple to another. For some it may be a low-key trip to the local courthouse. For others it may be a multi-day adventure overseas in a new place full of excursions to do.

Guest Count – The amount of guests (if anyone is even invited) will be 15 max. Keeping the guest count at <16 allows you to ensure your experience will be more flexible. Choosing to invite guests and who to invite is a choice entirely up to you. It depends on how much you value loved ones witnessing this day in person.

Lack of a Reception – Post-ceremony is going to consist of portraits and experiences for you and your partner to do. These experiences could be something like kayaking down the river you just eloped on, or going rock climbing. There may sometimes be dinner, cake, and a dance involved, but it’s in a very laid back setting.

Timeline Flexibility & Excursions – Elopements can be built into any kind of experience you want. Epic and fun, or calm and laid-back. The options are limitless, and you’re not bound by needs a wedding has.

The Cost – The cost of an elopement can greatly fluctuate depending on the experience you create. If you were to do something short and simple close to home, your costs may be on the lower end. If you’re planning a destination elopement with an excursion or two booked, it may be on the higher end. While elopements can be as expensive as weddings depending on the experience you make of it, they’re curated towards you and will provide a phenomenal experience you’ll never forget. These can often be multi-day experiences that you’re getting out of that cost. You’re able to turn a getaway at your elopement destination into a whole honeymoon full of excursions, which definitely can justify the cost you invest into eloping!

What Defines an Intimate Wedding?

Intimate weddings are the option in the middle of elopements and traditional weddings. They’re also known as ‘micro weddings’. They’ll be structured mostly like a traditional wedding day, but with a smaller guest count. Because of this, intimate weddings are best suited for those who prioritize spending time with only close loved ones. Intimate weddings can be something you plan local to you, or it can be a destination event.

Guest Count – I consider an intimate wedding to be anywhere from 16-30 guests. Any more than that and you’re entering traditional wedding territory, because things begin needing a lot more meticulous planning and accommodations.

Reception – There’s a reception, though sometimes it may look more like just grabbing dinner with everyone at a restaurant. Maybe cutting a cake and toasts are involved, but they don’t have to be. Other times it may be a more traditional style reception that includes things like the first dance, dance with parents, toasts, cake cut, etc. at a small event venue.

Timeline Flexibility & Excursions – Your timeline and option of doing excursions does become limited when planning an intimate wedding, since you have guests to host. This may restrict you to certain venue options, timeline schedules, and inhibit you from running off to have any unique experiences that just you and your partner can enjoy together the day of, like you’d see done in an elopement.

The Cost – Intimate weddings can also fluctuate in cost quite a bit depending on the type of experience you have. For instance, if you marry in a local park that cost around $150 to reserve, you’ll spend a significantly less amount than if you were to have an out-of-state experience where you’re paying for travel, accommodations, etc., which can very well end up costing the same as a traditional wedding, but on the flipside you’re getting a super unique luxury experience with your favorite people.

What Defines a Traditional Wedding?

A traditional wedding is going to consist of a venue, dozens of guests, and a traditional timeline structure that prioritizes hosting an event for friends and family. These events are best suited for you if your priority is celebrating the day with all your favorite people in the same place at once, and being okay with not getting that adventure or much one-on-one time with your partner.

Guest Count – Traditional weddings consist of 31+ guests. The average guest count in America is ~120, but the number can vary by region, culture and traditions, etc.

Reception – There’s a reception involved in traditional wedding days. This usually includes all the standards like dances, cake cutting, dinner, a DJ, etc.. It can be an event that lasts for a few to several hours.

Timeline/Activities – Timelines and activities will always look nearly the same (though it can vary by culture). Traditional wedding days are hard to fit in a unique excursion, so you generally just see the usual wedding stuff.

The Cost – The average cost of a wedding in America is ~35k. Although, this can vary by region, culture, and the amount of decor/florals you invest in. Cost can also drastically change if you decide to have a destination wedding.

Deciding What Experience Fits Your Needs

The pros and cons of each experience will vary from one couple to another and depends on values. Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself to determine which is right for you:

• How much do I value having family or friends present to celebrate with me?
• If I have a guest list, how many people are priority to add to it?
• How much do I value getting an intimate and private experience with just my partner?
• How much do I value having a unique excursion? (hiking to a waterfall, chasing the aurora borealis, etc.)
• How much do I value having the freedom to create my day into whatever I want?
• How much do I value getting to travel and experience somewhere new for this? And how will a guest list affect this?
• How much do I value having epic scenery for my experience? Will my guest count inhibit me from finding a location that can accommodate that count?

How to Navigate Telling Your Family You’re Eloping

Don’t guilt yourself into having an event somebody else wants you to have. So often couples want to have a private elopement, and wind up planning a wedding because their family guilted them into doing it so that “everyone can be included”. Those couples wind up regretting their wedding because it wasn’t the experience they wanted. If there’s even the faintest thought in your mind that you’d rather elope, LISTEN TO IT. This is a HUGE investment for you to be making. Make it the experience that YOU want. You don’t owe anyone an apology or an alternative option. Your loved ones that aren’t a part of elopement day will be able to hear the stories and see the photos/videos later. That should be enough to make everyone happy, as long as you’re happy with your decision to elope.

How to Include Loved Ones on Elopement Day When They Aren’t Physically There

You and your loved ones may be a little sad that they aren’t celebrating the day with you. But you knew that ultimately you wanted this to be an intimate experience between just you and your spouse. Here’s ways you can still let loved ones be included without invading your private experience:

• Have them write you personal letters that you and your partner can read together on elopement day.
• Have them record a video with a personal message that you and your partner watch together on elopement day.
• Facetime them during elopement day.
• Bring along a special item that belongs to them – this could be an article of clothing, jewelry, blanket, etc.. Just something to remind you of them that they will be happy for you to have on you.
• Bring a photo of them with you that you can carry in a frame or locket.

Additional Resources

If this was enough to convince you that eloping is the right choice, reach out and let’s chat about the epic adventure we can create for you!

If you’re thinking about eloping local to my home base of Arkansas, check out my How to Elope in Arkansas Guide and Best Places to Elope in Arkansas for additional resources to help you get started with planning your experience.